The preview night for "Into the Woods" is done.
It went well enough. Randy placed a curse on the cast, so anytime we read fairy tales, watch Disney movies, anything of that nature, he will be there--the omnipresent, omniscience that is Randy.
I wasn't quite as motivated tonight, but I think it was because of some stuff that I was talking with Shari about during lessons. She pulls me back to reality and the physical-ness of everything that I'm doing. She also manages to do this funky thing about drum corps and how it's basically ingrained awful things for me--which is partially true. I won't get into this right now, but I kind of want to.
But if you haven't heard by now, I'm not even attempting to march my age-out. I will be absent from three camps and the first two weeks of spring training. I can't see how that is fair for anyone to count on me. I've got other things going for me, I suppose, and I'd like to do them. My heart is still with Phantom, but in a more distant way. I don't keep in touch with everyone like I'd like to. I just don't sense this vibrant connection like other people do. At the same time, there is that connection the minute I see everyone. And everyone has these longing eyes about our collective selves marching. It kills me. It really does pain me that I can't do it, but I've kind of gotten over that.
I can't do everything.
As much as I try to tell myself that, it still doesn't work, and I don't listen.
I need to seriously reconsider everything I'm doing, make a list, prioritize, and all of that other organizational crap.
I'm really delving into a lot of issues that sort of blend together.
I'm also thinking about stopping this thing. I enjoy writing on it, but there are limitations. I end up stifling myself, and I should just keep my own journal and not worry about who actually reads it.
My friend Adam is starting a blog that extends beyond personal and dives into career and professions, and that's really something I'd like to do instead. I'd rather write and share theatre/English/arts/news and such in a different medium. So, I'd be transferring. Who knows when. I'm not sure that this is the final farewell. I've done this before and it has failed. But I think this is one step in shifting what I do and what is really necessary.
I'm hungry. There's not much food at the NE apartment. And a whole lotta dishes have to be done.
And then there's that paper...but well, that'll get done.
